Overwhelmed

Sometimes it feels like all the things I’m juggling are just going to come crashing down. 

Maybe it is that my hormones, 4 weeks postpartum, haven’t leveled back out yet. 

Or maybe it is that I am still experiencing pain / discomfort from the c-section.  (I stopped taking all the meds awhile back because I just could. not. take. anymore. I get nauseous at the mere thought of taking another pill. I probably shouldn’t have quit taking them, but it is what it is.) 

Maybe it is that my husband is going back to work in a couple of days and I haven’t settled into a new routine yet. 

Maybe it is because I am still operating on very minimum sleep.  Last night I got 2 hours of sleep, but I usually am able to get up to 4. 

Maybe it is that I try to ease back into a routine, doing things that need to be done, but doing so seems to aggravate the incision, externally and internally. 

Maybe it is because my four year old pushes the envelope a little too far, a little too often and I know most of the fault of that lies with me.  I was so sick and weak during the pregnancy, I wasn’t able to stay on top of correcting bad behavoir and mainly gave extensive warnings.  We are trying to reel him back in, but it is extremely difficult since I allowed him to go to this place and for so long.  It is frustrating and I don’t always handle it as well now as I should.

Maybe it is because as completely lovable and precious as the new baby is, he’s also a screamer.  And he has hard a hard time getting settled at night, very restless, nurses and fusses, nurses and fusses, nurses and spits up because he’s nursed too much and mostly refuses a pacifier, but still wants the comfort.

Maybe it is because there always seems to be so much to do.  Around the house. With work.  Yes, I’m lucky enough to be a work at home mom, but I have to work for there to be income from it and quite frankly, work is work no matter where you do it.

Most  likely it is the fact that ALL of these are in the play. At the same time. 24/7. 

I know, somewhere in the back of my mind, or maybe it is deep in my heart, that things will get better.  Eventually.  They will, right?  But for now, I have lots of little moments like this where I simply feel overwhelmed.